Idiot People To Idiot Cats
by misakiXinuzuka
Summary: Two idiot people *cough* me and Ashley *cough* become warrior cats. Pretty much a random, weird, strange, and dumb thing. Warning: Strange humor may cause internal bleeding and brain damage. Do not read if below the age of idiot.
1. Random First Chapter

Chapter 1

Laughter echoed around the mall, resulting in several stares from various people. These stares were directed to the subjects of this story. Our very well-known idiots: Elizabeth and Ashley.

'Hey!" Elizabeth yelled. "I am _not_ an idiot!"

Well _excuse_ me.

"You're exsqueezed!" Ashley shouted.

Anyway, onto the story. The dastardly duo-

"Did you just call me a bastard?" Elizabeth growled, glaring at the sky.

"You idiot blonde! She said dastard!"

I object. I said dastard_ly_.

"Whatever." Ashley muttered.

Can we get on with the story?

"Yes. Yes we can." Elizabeth agreed.

Good. Now, at this precise moment a store popped up.

"Hey!" Ashley objected. "Make it sound awesome!"

Fine. At this precise moment a store full of _magical goodies_ popped up.

"Good. Now continue."

Elizabeth and Ashley stared at each other then at the store. Shrugging, they walked into the strange glowing pink-

"Why does it have to be pink?" Elizabeth argued.

Do you have a problem with pink?

"Yes I do actually! It needs to be red and black!"

"No! It needs to be green and black!" Ashley retorted.

"Red!"

"Green!"

"Red!"

"Green!"

You know what?! It's the color I say it is! Now, they walked into the strange glowing pink store since they had nothing better to do.

"I have plenty of better things to do! I don't have to listen to your fat ass insulting me!" Elizabeth roared.

Quit interrupting me! They walked into the strange glowing pink store since they had nothing better to do. Candy floated above their heads leading to a pale man with long brown hair, a black hat, and a candy cane for a cane.

"Come here kids! We can have fun together!" He giggled.

"Ah!!!!" Ashley screamed. "It's Orochi-wonka!"

_Sigh._ Anyway…They walked down a hall to a small tunnel. A giant sign was placed above it stating "BEWARE: DO NOT ENTER OR YOU WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN!!!" in large, bold, neon, blinking, glittering, letters with arrows pointing to them.

"Hey! That looks fun!" Elizabeth squealed, immediately running into the tunnel.

Ashley followed behind her, skipping while singing "We're off into the tunnel! The wonderful tunnel of odd!"

After a few feet, they were engulfed by a bright light.

"Don't walk into the light!" Ashley shouted.

And thus, Elizabeth walked into the light. Ashley shrugged and followed her. A few minutes later – or so they thought-

"Hey! Narrators can't lie!" Ashley rebuked.

Well I did! You think it's been a few minutes but it's really been five hours!

"Ha! I tricked the truth out of you!"

I hate you. Anyway. They woke up five hours later to see that they were cats.

"Ho. Ly. Shiz. A. Ma. Niz." They said each syllable separately as they looked at the sky.


	2. Massdestructionizzleclan

Chapter 2

Review Replies:

SnuffSnuff: If you don't like it fine. I know it sucks, but I'm bored as hell. And at least you're honest. Have a cookie. =3 *gives cookie*

Silverpelt-Hawksky: Thank you! *gives virtual cookie* You're a good reader!

icanhazlolcatsplz: Yay! Another good reader! You also get cookie! *gives virtual cookie*

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Elizabeth sighed as she walked around the forest. She was honestly, truly bored and hungry. However, she could not seem to find any food.

"Big Mac, Big Mac, Big Mac…." She muttered continually under her breath.

Ashley was right behind her, admiring the scenery…if you want to call it that. "Oo, look! A leaf!"

"Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka, he's our favorite kind of guy!" A voice sang from the bushes.

"OMG!!! He like Willy Wonka too!" Elizabeth exclaimed, running through the bush.

Sighing, Ashley followed her. Once on the other side of the bush, they were face to face with a gray cat that had blurry eyes.

"Willy Wonka, Willy wonka!" Elizabeth joined in.

The gray cat seemed to notice he wasn't alone and immediately began to bristle. "Who are you?"

"I'm Lizardbreath and this is Ass Hole-ly!!!" Elizabeth exclaimed.

"Hey! Did you just call me an ass hole?!" Ashley demanded, raising a dark brown paw.

"I think I did!" Elizabeth retorted, flattening her yellow ears.

"…"

"Hey!" Elizabeth exclaimed. "You're brown and I'm yellow! It's like poop and pee! LMAO!!!"

"Jayfeather, where are you?" A voice called as a tabby she-cat padded towards them.

"OHMYGAWD!!!!" Elizabeth exclaimed. "We're in Warriors!!!"

"How would you know?" Ashley growled, for the sake of arguing.

"_Jatfeather_ is the medicine cat of Thunderclan!!!! Well….apprentice." Elizabeth then turned to the tabby. "And you must be Leafpool! I'm honored to meet Jayfeather's mother!"

"Yay! Honor!" Leafpool bounced up and down.

"You're my mother?" Jayfeather shrieked.

"Of course, silly goose!" Leafpool purred in a strange voice.

Ashley nodded. "And Crowfeather is your father! That's why Leafpool and Nightcloud don't get along because Crowfeather fathers both of their kits!"

"WOW…" Jayfeather looked nauseous.

Leafpool looked at him. "Now, where are those laxatives for Millie?"

"Right here." Jayfeather held his paw out and handed her laxatives.

"Candy!" Elizabeth squealed and ate them.

The others sweat-dropped. A few minutes later a farting noise escaped from Elizabeth's behind.

----THIS SCENE HAS BEEN REMOVED FOR THOSE OF YOU READERS WHO---

---ARE FAINT OF HEART, PREGNANT, OR ARE PRONE TO INTERNAL---

---BLEEDING---

"Come to camp with us!" Jayfeather squealed.

"Okay!" And so Ashley and Elizabeth, along with Jayfeather and Leafpool, skipped to the camp…or skipped as best they could as cats.

---At The Camp---

"Firestar!" Leafpool called.

"That's Firestar-izzle!" A ginger cat, probably Firestar…izzle, corrected.

"Daddy!" Leafpool whined. "You're embarrassing me in front of my friends!"

"Hey!" Jayfeather snapped. "They're my friends! My friends can't be your friends!"

"Whatever."

"And who is this? Poopfur and Peepelt?" Firestar…izzle meowed.

"Hey!" Elizabeth growled. "It's Lizardbreath!"

"And Ass Hole-Ly!" Ashley added.

"They shall join Thunder-izzleclan!" Firestar-izzle yowled.

"For that last time!" A dark tabby, Brambleclaw, yowled. "It's Massdestructionclan!"

"Thunder-izzleclan!" Firestar-izzle replied angrily.

"Massdestructionclan!"

"We'll compromise!" Sandstorm snapped, coming up. "It's Massdestruction-izzleclan!"

"Okay!" Firestar-izzle replied, looking like he was leaking rainbows. Jumping onto the High-Ledge, he called the familiar-ish summons. "Let all those cats of Massdestruction-izzleclan who are old enough to catch their own prey join here beneath the High-Ledge for a Clan meeting!"

The cats slowly appeared from their dens. First was Cloudtail, who was carrying a kittypet food bowl in his mouth. Brightheart followed, meowing "Don't look at me! I'm hideous!" Next came Jayfeather, who was still singing "Willy Wonka", and Leafpool who was apologizing to Millie about not getting her laxatives. Graystripe overheard the apology and somehow fell even more in love with Millie. Daisy stepped into the clearing wearing a tube top and mini skirt, while shooting flirty glances at Spiderleg who ignored her.

Moving on to the meeting: "We have two new cats who are becoming cats of Thunderclan!" Firestar-izzle yowled. "They are becoming apprentices and shall be known as Peepaw and Pooppaw!"

"Awesome!" Ashley, Pooppaw, and Elizabeth, Peepaw, shouted in unison.

"Lionblaze shall mentor Pooppaw and Hollyleaf shall mentor Peepaw!"

"Like oh my Starclan!" Hollyleaf shouted. "I like refuse to like mentor like her!"

'Want some fries?" Lionblaze asked, holding out McDonalds French fries to Pooppaw. "Psych!"

"Meanie!" Pooppaw wailed.

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Okay, that was kinda weird, but I like it! Yay!!!! Review please! Reviewers get cookie!!!! Even flamers!!!! Flames are reviews too!!!


	3. Hate The Mentors, Hate The Names

Chapter 3

Review Replies:

First, a couple of reviews from chapter 1 that I forgot to reply to…

Jayfeather+Willowshine: What indeed! *in really fast Chinese accent* Cookieforyou!!! *gives cookie*

Spottedpath: If you read chapter 2 and are now reading chapter 3 then I assume you know what happened next. And cookie for you! *gives cookie*

And now mmy chapter 2 reviews….

Silverpelt-Hawksky: Squee!!! *hugs Silverpelt-Hawksky* You're my favorite reviewer! So cute!!!! And a cookie for you, too! *gives cookie*

WarriorsFreak: Yay!!!! I love people who don't understand something and that's why they like it! That's how I am!!!! You get cookie! *gives cookie*

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Peepaw was out on patrol with Hollyleaf, who was chatting on her cell phone.

"At this rate, all of Riverclan will hear you…" Peepaw muttered.

Hollyleaf snorted, glaring at Peepaw. "Why don't you like fetch me some like prey?"

"Why don't you fetch it yourself?" Peepaw retorted.

"Because I just painted my claws with my new claw polish!" Hollyleaf whined. "And you're my apprentice so you have to do what I tell you to!"

"Um…no."

"I'm telling daddy and then he'll tell Firestar-izzle!"

"Why would Crowfeather tell Firestar-izzle?"

"What?"

"Crow. Feather. Your father. Why would he tell Firestar-izzle?'

"What are you talking about?" She huffed. "Brambleclaw is my dad."

Peepaw growled and stormed back to camp.

Meanwhile…

"I'm hungry!" Pooppaw wailed.

"Catch food." Lionblaze replied for the millionth time.

"But why don't you just share your Double Quarter-Pounder with me?"

"Because I would have less food."

"Please?"

"No."

"Bu-"

"No."

"Pl-"

"NO!"

"Psh. Fine, be that way."

"I will be that way!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"Okay!"

"Okay!"

Pooppaw growled and raced back to camp.

---In camp---

"Firestar-izzle!" A yellow she-cat stomped into the camp.

"Waz up my home skillet biscuit?" Firestar-izzle greeted.

"I demand a new mentor! And a new name!" Peepaw demanded.

"Why?"

"Cuz Hollyleaf's an over-dramatic, fat ass, dumb ass, prep and I don't like being called pee!"

"And what's up with being named poop?" Pooppaw added as she stormed into the clearing. "And I want a new mentor!"

"Is Lionblaze an over-dramatic, fat ass, dumb ass, prep?"

Pooppaw looked at him oddly then shook her head. "No! But he won't share his food with me!"

"Um…okay? And…?"

"And I want a new mentor!"

"Nope."

"Please!"

"No."

"A new name?"

"Of course!"

"Yay!"

"It's time you became warriors anyway!"

"You mean…I'm still Poop-something?"

"Yup."

"I hate you."

"I know."

"…"

"We hold the ceremony tonight!"

--|--|--|--|--|--|--|--|--

That was shorter than my other chapters, but I went brain dead….So yah. In your reviews, please suggest warrior names for Peepaw and Pooppaw. Arigato!

All flames will be used to bake cookies for the flamers and reviewers.


	4. Party!

Chapter 3

Review Replies:

Okay, most of you just offered names so I won't reply to any this time. I appreciate all your reviews and suggestions and you all get _special_ brownies.

--|--|--|--|--|--|--|--|--

Firestar-izzles yowl echoed through the hollow, signaling the naming ceremony. However, silence met his call.

He looked around and saw a sticky note taped to his den. He walked over to it. "Why would they tape a sticky note? It's sticky."

Shrugging, he read it.

_Hey Firestar-izzle. We all went out to party for Peepaw and Poopaw before the ceremony. Probably won't be back till…well sunhigh. Oh, by the way. Make us brownies._

_Sincerely, Cloudy-Ninja_

"Party without me?! Fine. I'll make your brownies alright…..I'll make your brownies."

--Meanwhile at Shadowclan—

"Hey! ShadowClan! Party on the island!" Peepaw yowled then raced towards Windclan. As she reached the camp, Crowfeather jumped on her.

"Hey! Get off me!" She growled.

"Why are you in our territory?!"

"Party at the island! That's why!" She hissed the snaked out from under him, racing to the island.

Poopaw had just gotten back from telling Riverclan and the Thunderclan cats had just finished setting up.

"Hey Mr. DJ! Let's get some Blood On The Dance Floor in here!"

Peepaw shouted and Designed To kill started to play.

"The fun has arrived!" Blackstar shouted as he entered the island, doing the robot.

Dozens of cats poured in after him.

"Cheers!" Peepaw shouted over the noise, clanging beer bottles with Poopaw.

---after the party---

"That was awesome!" Peepaw slurred as she stumbled into the camp.

"Alright, time for the ceremony!" Firestar yowled and jumped onto the High Ledge. "Pooppaw you are now Big Chief Brownbottom. Peepaw, you are Dr. Pee Pee. Now, special brownies!"

--|--|--|--|--|--|--|--|--

That was really short, but whatever. Anyways, what kind of brownies did Firestar make? And Dr. Pee Pee's going to have one big hangover. Teehee, tell me if you like the names please *chibi eyes*


End file.
